Toxic Positivity vs Optimism
- thewudyway
- Jan 18
- 3 min read
Updated: Jan 20
The conversation around Toxic Positivity vs Optimism matters, especially when you live with chronic illness or ongoing pain. I’m the kind of person who likes to be positive where I can. I naturally look for the silver lining. Even when I can’t even try to be positive, it usually means a situation has gone far beyond my current limits. But positivity isn’t always helpful. Sometimes it can turn into something unhealthy, and that’s where the concept truly becomes important.
Skip to:
What is an example of Toxic Positivity?
When we look at Toxic Positivity vs Optimism, the difference becomes clear:
Optimism acknowledges reality and still hopes for better times.
Toxic positivity denies reality and demands cheerfulness anyway
Toxic positivity is the pressure to “stay positive” no matter what you are going through. It dismisses valid emotions such as fear, grief, anger, or exhaustion. Instead of allowing space for real human experience, it pushes relentless “good vibes only” messaging.
Here are a few examples of toxic positivity in action:
Someone tells you, “It could be worse,” when you open up about severe pain.
You hear, “Everything happens for a reason,” when you’re grieving or scared.
You’re encouraged to “just be positive” instead of being listened to.
Social media posts insist that mindset alone fixes everything, even illness.
You can spot Toxic Positivity vs Optimism at work in everyday life when positivity starts to silence honest conversations. It often feels invalidating or minimizing, even if it’s well-intentioned.
My personal experience
In my own life, navigating Toxic Positivity vs Optimism has meant learning when positivity helps and when it hurts. When it comes to my health, I go through cycles. After an intense TMJ flare-up in November 2024, the pain was absolutely horrific. For three days straight, I was in excruciating pain that felt like it would never end. No painkiller or anti-inflammatory touched it. The molars at the back of my mouth on the affected left side felt so sensitive that even my tongue brushing them made me wince.
I couldn’t eat anything solid. My “meals” were tins of soup and smoothies, and even sucking through a straw caused pain. Every attempt to eat ended in tears. But I still needed to line my stomach to take tablets that might, just might, reduce the pain a little. It was survival mode.
From day three, my survival skills kicked in more deliberately. I knew I needed to stretch the muscles in my jaw, face, neck, and shoulders. I stretched often, maybe too much, and gave myself sore muscles, but I also understood my TMJ was linked to cramped muscles that had spasmed. When I twisted my neck at certain angles, I felt the pull right down to those aching teeth. So I kept working gently with those movements as often as I could.
During that flare, Toxic Positivity vs Optimism wasn’t abstract; it was practical. Positivity didn’t mean pretending everything was fine. It meant saying, “This hurts, this is awful, and I’m still going to do what I can.” My mindset switched from negativity that froze me into inaction, to a determined, realistic optimism that pushed me to stretch, move, and make small improvements. After another three days, I no longer needed painkillers and I could eat normally again.
Toxic Positivity vs Optimism: How I see positivity now
Those cycles taught me that Toxic Positivity vs Optimism is about permission. Permission to feel everything and still choose helpful action where possible. I do share positive quotes on Instagram or TikTok. Not because I think everyone must “stay positive,” but because that’s the mental state I try to guide myself toward. Negativity makes me feel worse, emotionally and physically. I have days when positivity is impossible, and that’s okay too. I eventually bounce back, or I annoy myself enough to shift perspective.
But I don’t expect everyone to be the same. For some people, positive messages feel invalidating or triggering. They may fall under toxic positivity for them, and their reaction is valid. There is no single right response to pain, illness, or life.
So when you think about Toxic Positivity vs Optimism, remember this: optimism allows tears, frustration, and honesty. It says, “This is hard,” and still asks, “What can I do next?” Toxic positivity shuts down feelings and demands smiles. I choose to keep my glass half full when I can, not because I must, but because it helps me keep moving forward.
Tags: toxic positivity vs optimism | example of toxic positivity
Hi, I’m Sally. I share simple ways to calm the nervous system and live more gently, shaped by my own experience living with menieres and TMJ disorder. I hope my journey helps you feel supported on yours.